Essential Tennis Podcast #96

Ian : Welcome to the Essential Tennis Podcast. 

If you love tennis and wants to improve your game, this Podcast is for you. Whether is technique, strategy, equipment or the mental game. Tennis Professional Ian Westerman is here to make you a better player. 

And now here’s Ian. 

Ian Westerman: Hi and welcome to the Essential Tennis Podcast. Your place for free expert tennis instruction that can truly help you improve your game. Today’s episode of the Essential Tennis Podcast is brought to you by somersetsportsperformance.com. Before we get to today’s instructional part of the show. I want to just quickly remind you guys about the different ways that you guys can connect with Essential Tennis and find out about new contect as it comes out. Not only do yo have the forums at essentialtennis.com which is a huge way to connect with my self and other members and another tennis enthusiast and people who are really passionate about the game, but you can also go to facebook.com/essentialtennis and also twitter.com/essentialtennis and youtube. Com/essentialtennis where there are all the recent video analysis content that I'm putting up talking about technique and strategy etc. 

So definitely check all those things out. Now getting on with today's show I'm going to be doing part 1 of 2 in a talk with Mental expert David Groemping. So today's show #96 will be part 1. And #97 will continue the conversation and we answer a lot of great questions. So let's get down to it. Sit back, relax, and get ready for some great tennis instruction. [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] 

My guest today on the podcast is mental coach and mental expert David Groemping who works for Gemini Executive Coaching which is at [inaudible]. Com. David welcome back to the podcast. 

David Groemping: Thanks, Ian. It's good to be back. 

Ian Westerman: Well, you're definitely one of the I guess I could say the most popular guest I've had on the podcast. Mental tennis is definitely one of the topics that is the most zone after and the most requested when it comes to people asking for specific topics on the podcast and you've been back a number of times to talk about different mental tennis and mental toughness issues and so it's really good to have you back on to talk about even more topics that we have not covered before. So welcome back to the show and it's really good to have you. 

David Groemping: Oh, it can be regular. 

Ian Westerman: Yes, man. Well, before we get started go ahead and tell people I gave the link briefly there to your website. Please tell people where they can find you and what they can find on your website. 

David Groemping: Yes, sure. It's so all sites against sports.gemexecoach. Com or sports.geminiexecutivecoaching. Com that work good and so what I I think the all the pages and that's were the first page I actually just stuck at the link and you can join my Facebook page. You can be a fun on me on Facebook or you can just add mental topic on Facebook it was pretty cool. You can follow me on Twitter and these all for my links just describing my blogs. I got a blogs which was really cool. I also I told some of the older podcast very few Essential tennis that we've done appearance. It was you can kind of learn and all of that stuff which is all for pretty much for free. 

Ian Westerman: Cool. Good stuff. Well definitely listeners go check out that webpage and David also comes around to the forums at essentialtennis. Com and asks people for ideas or topics and that's where we're getting all of our content for today's show and we're going to be answering a whole bunch of questions today and we're actually going to be making these a 2 parts series. We're going to be answering a couple of questions today. This is podcast I think this is going to be #96 and in podcast #97 we will complete our conversation. 

So David and I are getting ready to do a long recurrent session here. It should be good. I'm looking forward to it. Hopefully I hold out OK David. I have a cold over the weekend and I've just gotten over today so if my voice sounds a little weak, that's why. 

Dasivd Groemping: Alright. 

Ian Westerman: So hopefully I can go an hour without any trouble here. Now let's go ahead and get started. And our first question today is going to come from on the forums at essentialtennis. Com and like I said a second ago all of our questions come from the forums and I want to thank everybody before we even started who did submit questions, because are always a big help in finding a good topics to talk about and Nem would simply like to know how to deal with the cheater while you're playing a tennis matches. This is something that those of you who go out and you do compete and you play in USTA leagues or maybe high school or college or club team tennis etc you going to have to deal with this at some point. So definitely a very important topic. David what are your thoughts on playing against somebody who makes let's say questionable calls? 

David Groemping: That's a question actually I guess I had to [inaudible] a lot and a cheater really is a challenge to your mental toughness. I mean for a lot of reason I mean it can have you get conservative with your shot or you're be able to get strategy to deal with you get conservative shot which is sounds for me actually necessarily you want to do actually or ou can just get pissed off and blow the game the whole matches. [laughter] 

Ian Westerman: Yes. 

David Groemping: I've seen a lot of have done by myself too. 

Ian Westerman: Yes, me too. 

David Groemping: How to deal with that? The first thing is I get tennis edit at 101 well you want to do was are you sure obviously, right? But on the mental part of the game. The first thing you have to do is you can't let yourself, yo can't start talking to yourself and get all cheated about how they are wrong in their call. They call that how they call it. That's the fact. And what you is you got it is going to ask them, 'Are you sure?' and the degree to which you blame them get mad at them, think they are wrong, or think they are terrible people for whatever call this game? Is the degree to which your mental game going to suffer, because that's were your focus is going to be on instead of playing a new game. So it really fake shifting your focus from how wrong they are how much they are jerk there, how much that discourage you all that stuff, because shifting your focus from that and you know they open that once saying exactly what's on your head about him. 

Today you want children, right? I keeps shifting your focus from them if you're ready to go to going on to focus for the next point, because look in reality they just, well, I have suspicious much here. We get challenge, but in reality they just call that questionably and because that you asked one point you got to think that you stay upset and focus on the stuff I mentioned before. Chances are it's going to have you either lot more than 1 point. 

Ian Westerman: Yes, good point. 

David Groemping: You people forget about that we get all that out of shift of a cheater and how they are jerk type of person that's all fun blah, blah. We need to get focus on that. We actually going to keep losing points in the reality with 1 point will lost and It seems like it really takes a lot of discipline doesn't it, because we feel like when we're on the court and that’s happens speaking for myself and I would guest most people I mean we feel justified and sitting there be in self righteous and saying, 'Wow, this is a horrible person and I shouldn't have to put up with this and they're basically just saying they are such a bad person. 

David Groemping: Yes. 

Ian Westerman: It's easy to focus on that isn't it? 

David Groemping: Yes, and being just fight about yourself and self righteous and thinking up a bad person. That's actually the I remember the podcast a long time ago and we talked about eating junk foods on the court as an analogy or [inaudible] . I'm not sure it was one. 

Ian Westerman: I think it was twinky if I remember correctly. 

David Groemping: Perfect twinky yes. Twinky is taste good, but in the end makes you fat. In this case it really taste good to get justified and righteous and think of the evil and bad. 

Ian Westerman: Yes, sure. 

David Groemping: In the end set the you blow, becasue you are focus on that. That's to getting backward It's the same principle here. And lastly people may or may not agree with me about this, but specially to a junior players. I have a suspicion that cheers in the end and may or may not agree, but this is a view plan I take it really help me shift my focus from there if you're going to cheater to watch me looking on looking focus in the wind, but that I think that cheaters special junior not actually really bad people on that you've won trying actually to cheat. We just think of cheating. I didn't cheat on the bad equal on the line. Just that t o the juniors, because you know I've set the time to the court. I see kids in junior day and I call all the time [inaudible]. 

Ian Westerman: Yes. I think there's, no, I think it goes both ways personally. 

David Groemping: And I've seen you're right. I've definitely seen kids and adults who I totally agree who are just bad and calling the lines and maybe their origins were not great or their perception or whatever. I've definitely seen that, but I can honestly say that I've seen several I all see many. I've seen many cheaters too. 

David Groemping: Oh, yes they are definitely out there for sure, but whether there are really kind of cheater. I don't know if this is true, but they tell me to really help to focus on or to shift my focus in there and have a person and give up my just my righteousness just in case they going to see this. Let them too. 

Ian Westerman: Right. 

David Greomping: And hey I wanted to add I've seen players call a ball that it is way out. I shouldn't call in. It's such [inaudible] and they call it in and I did argue with them like, 'No, that was out.' And therefore the ball is in. 

Ian Westerman: Yes, sure. 

David Groemping: And then so I'd see them call the ball and really stick to their call that it's beneficial for them too. Ian Westerman: So maybe it would be smart then just for our own benefit to just kind of give them the benefit of the doubt certainly at first just to that maybe we can keep our focus a little bit better? 

David Groemping: Yes that's one really help and it's when my call or my perception in my view is better more valid and their view that's when really in trouble. 

Ian Westerman: Yes, sure. 

David Groemping: Because that's when you're eating like [inaudible] and then you start to worry another piece will play a cheater. First to give up that one. The [inaudible] were already discussed, but another part of it it's really important is we know we think strategies to start getting conservative. We just getting afraid to hit anywhere nearer line and that's all sounds something. That's a home of aspect of it that it's either I don't if we were if we have another podcast over going to later from one other question, but that's all is the domain all planes and not really used. 

Ian Westerman: Right, yes. That's the topic we've definitely covered before in past years and I agree with you. I can definitely lead towards that kind of tentative or careful plan that can kind of knock you so over again. 

David Groemping: Right its another thing that we can let a cheater have that effect on us also which is definitely our lay is not lost. I hope I don't missed that stuff all planning plan is not goin to losing if it's kind of [inaudible] 

Ian Westerman: Sure. Well, let's move on to our next topic. Unless you have anything else. Any other points to make on that David? 

David Groemping: No, that's all set with that I think. 

Ian Westerman: OK. Well, let's move on to our next question which comes to us from Charles O. In Sta. Cruz, California. Charles says, ' Hi, David. How do you deal with losing? Sometimes I get so frustrated when I lost specially in matches that I feel like "I should have won". ' He puts that in quotation. 'That I almost like feel quitting tennis all together and while we can use other advice from proving our mental toughness and chances of winning. Let's face it we are all going to lost sometime. In fact 50% of whole participants in matches will be losers. ' Very stood observation now Charles. 

So I'd be curious to see what yo have to say about this and I'm curious to hear what you'll have to say about this as well David, because I'm going to go ahead and speak for all the perfectionist out there. It can be really hard for me to lose any match even against the player were. If I sitdown and I'm really honest with myself. I know that this player was a lot better than me in the past from myself personally. If I don't play like past my own potential I just fee like I had the crappy day and it was a bad match and I got wacky and all the stuff and I personally kind of struggle with what Charles is talking about. So what are your thoughts on this? 

David Groempling: Yes, the first thing is any given Sunday we can either win or lost a match. We can be the player who 'Should be' or 'Should not be' or they grab in the air and we can also lost that you someone we should or should not be and the result they are going to have David Groemping: And that how they were happen and, but the same to really do is it's easy to sit down after the match and start do rating yourself and so start ticking yourself and the wolf trade I should have [inaudible] match is that's something that's really, that's actually something we use to braid ourselves and think ourselves. And it's something to really is not right yourself and though it's actually it’s a little bit how we break the cheer. 

Ian Westerman: Yes. 

David Groemping: If distance should have won I saw it, I cant believe it. I need to do so much better. All of that is part of you'll be a twinkie again. If that is just made you unhappy in the end. 

Ian Westerman: Kind of having little pitty part in ourselves. 

David Groemping: Yes, exactly or the pitty flash technic or so party really won't. We think we have like punish ourselves. We did for I thought the bad or wrong by losing the match or something. We actually don't have to just like we don't to get nervouse for the match. We don't have to have a pitty party. We don't have to get mad at ourselves from a match. I mean we add all of these interpretation and story and drama and head about the lost, but that's also that we add. So actually we don't have that the little humpkin were it said. 

Ian Westerman: Yes,can you explain that in different way? I think I know what you're saying, but I would you mind replacing that? 

David Groemping: I mean we get to set up for a much base on not can we actually lost, but we get upset with ourselves, because the conversation we have with ourselves after the match. That's the same is after the [inaudible]. 

Ian Westerman: So it's kind of a self induce negative mindset kind of thing? 

David Groemping: Yes totally and the conversation that we have with ourselves is aspirating ourselves whatever flavor that you may do is that's all self inducing comes from us. We have conversation with ourselves. So really the way we can have that to or we kind of like that. We have put this. We have to like that something does make sense, but the conversation that is so upsetting is not one that we actually have to have with ourselves. We just choose it. 

Ian Westerman: That's quite the concept for myself. And thinking, go ahead. 

David Groemping: And we have a lot of practice and be near ourselves about you're having a little free party and having a pretty force conversation with ourselves, but the fact is that you lost the match. And what there is to do is the waste of times really and all of the energy and all of that to realy get down on yourself. In fact if you lost the match it could be you how much they want and that's not going try to rebuild around. In case again like you talk I got muscles phase and they had muscles to intervene or what's wrong is going to happen? So if you want. 

Ian Westerman: Just to one thing that you said really kind of struck my a [inaudible] me when you said you don't have to have that internal dialogue or maybe even external depending on how 

David Groemping: Depending on their power. 

Ian Westerman: right exactly. My self personally I went through some really hard to me times in college where I expected too much out of my self and looking back at it. If I had just given myself a break and really been objective about it and said, 'You know what? Listen, working really hard at your game. You're really giving a 100% effort out there in the court. What you really have to be disappointed about with yourself. You should be happy that you get to be out there, you get to play tennis. You get to play at a high enough level that's really fun and challenging I think I would have had more than that kind of attitude that way I was going to, I was. And Charles thought and the rest of you out there who are perfectionist. I really encourage you guys to take a step back and do is I as David id talking about. And realize that you don't have to have those negative thought to that negative converation before anfter a while since you really can take a lot of positive things out of really of just about any match where its a lost or winner or otherwise. 

David Groemping. Yes, I totally that you kno one thing I think. There's a lot of reasons that we bring outsleves into match and take ourselves, but one of this like if we think that your little way to learn from the match. That's why the hardest thing in the match. And that they told from here and just like what you said is you wanna give your….

David Groemping: Tell us things are for the National you want or lost and you know any match [inaudible] and if you want to look at what really work to have you win. You can do it again. 

Ian Westerman: Yes. That's were the point. 

David Groemping: Yes and if you lost then you actually have more [inaudible] . If you lost then look take an honest look at what was it that without the source of you're losing. Yes it could be there way better. So you also know [inaudible] you know you get upset or its not really to get upset if you're really a good player. If you're a better destroyed I would be so upset you know? 

Ian Westerman: Right. [laughter] 

David Groemping: But if someone he's not on sail [inaudible] , but if something is like I think it's worth even if it's a little bit for a bit then you will be want to work at with your sensible game. What was it that they made to attack and that was weak. And we want to make an objection at first so you can [inaudible] . Abnd what was it in your mental game that may have broken down that may have had you lost. That you need to work on that. Maybe that's higher than get more fit. And that's pretty much in and make sure that, that thing doesn't have you ever lost again. 

Ian Westerman: Well, I think something that you said that so important is that you should be learning something from every match whether there's a win or lost and really I like what you said that you should learn from a lot. You should be more there for you to learn from, because obviously you didn't do something well enough to take the victory, but I think that a lot of us tends to take a win for granted and say, 'Well I'm so awesome that was it rematch. ' A totally dominated that guy and just [inaudible] happy. 

David Groemping: I mean of here [inaudible]. 

Ian Westerman: Right, exactly and not taking anything from it. And then we go and lost and we go all pissed off and feel sorry about ourselves and we don't learn anything out while you're there. It's kind of a shame. 

David Groemping: Right, exactly, exactly. 

Ian Westerman: Now well, Anything else on that before we move on David? 

David Groemping: Well, that really al I got. Just be nice to yourself everybody if you would. Be mean if something that got you. 

Ian Westerman: Give yourself a hug. 

David Groemping: Kisses. 

Ian Westerman: That's my advice Charles give yourself a hug. Alright, be back on. 

David Groemping: But I better to look at you for a better idea take from the series of significant out of the losing. If you're one of those and if you find of getting upset. You give yourself a hug. It would be whole sorry of looking, but I can't imagine to think you are giving yourself a hug which will be funny to ask you being pissed off yourself as soon as suspicious was [inaudible] or keep looking to sanswers. 

Ian Westerman: Or for $100 David G. Will come out and give you a hug for you. 

David Groemping: Yes. Ian Westerman: A good service you can start. Kinf os hugs. Alright, if its seriously. Let's move on to our next question which is from Bryan Mark and 3 months Nebraska and here's a questions about injuries which is an interesting one. He wrote and said, "How do stay in focus after an injury on either and of the court? Obviously an injury on my side takes the physical tool, but it seems hard to focus after someone else gets injured on the other end of the court as well. I find my self watching what he's doing instead of playing my own game. ' And he says, 'Just some issue I realized I was playing this week not that anyone got anymore injured than already were, but I was thinking about it. ' And so that' an interesting question and I think that typical our responses tennis players is to kind of hold back a little bit. Maybe feel sorry for them and that's kind of a trap isn't it David? 

David Groemping: Yes, I would say holding back is doing fine for other person is always a trap if you probably heard it or not, but in specifically if somebody fall from the middle of the a match and I think we're talked of playing fund later. So maybe we should talk about it at the same time, because that had to do the same thing.

Ian Westerman: OK. Do you want to say a bit for that? 

David Groemping: I talk about all of them now. Is that works? 

Ian Westerman: Yes, sure. Yes, go ahead. Do you want me to read the French question or just go ahead and start with this one? 

David Groemping: Yes, different question I also just trying to see that I'm going to make sure that's to do on the same answer. 

Ian Westerman: OK. Alright and this question comes from John in real life who is in California and he wrote and said, 'David I'd like to hear a few tips on playing French. I find my focus and assertiveness on the court are far better when I'm playing somebody I don't know. When I play friends I

Ian Westerman: Frequently very casual about it. I keep telling myself I'll be better focus by always slip into my old over relax jovial play. I know I can be more focus, because I do it again strangers. I just don't bring it out on to the court and matches that I don't have any real barring. So it's kind of talking about practice matches here, but those are important too. It there's going to be a time if you guys play lot of tennis competitively in your region that you're going to play your friends at some point in real match anyway. So let's go ahead and talk about that David. 

David Groemping: Right yes, it's well, if somebody fall a little upset or they are playing a friend it's actually to the middle top and they are really the same thing and it takes giving up a couple of notions where be a couple notions I guess would be the good way for that. 

Ian Westerman: OK. 

David Groemping: And the first one somebody fall there was your friend and we wanted always people have the underneath desire to be admired. And a lot of times we think that being nice or likable is going to get us there. And it may in some situation, but on the tennis court it will not. It would be nice on the court there's really no space for it. We think being nice by going easy to the guys who is fell or letting our friends be in the match something like that, but in doing that is actually a the service of them, beacuse think about it. Do you really want time playing right on you? Not really I don't personally. 

Ian Westerman: Yes it's kind of almost more of a right exactly its kind of more of just to have somebody light up on you and kind of feel sorry for you than it is to just have them crash you. 

David Groemping: Yes, Exactly. If something you ligths up on. If you're lighting up on someone you're actually diminishing them. 'Oh, poor guy he fell and he's hurt, poor guy. ' Dimishing, he cn handle and he's fine. He fall on the court. They know record your [inaudible] or it's like you we usually react that if we beats someone that gets really upset and stop talking to us something. People are not that small. People can be able getting upset and 

Ian Westerman: I think it is important point out David that even if they have fallen and maybe they've twisted an ankle or something. They've made the decision and they've choosen for themselves to get back up and get to the court and they've said, 'Yes I'm fine. ' And maybe they are not fine, but they've made their decision to continue to compete and they going to go ahead and assume that you are going to try to beat them, because that's kind of the point on what's going on. 

David Groemping: Yes and they're going to try and beat you and it's kind of weird to get on the tennis court where the game you're playing the tennis where there's a score and you're suppost to be trying to win. That's the game you're playing. It's weird to get on the court with someone and play a different game like being nice to someone's game or trying to be lighten my or game. That's weird. It doesn't make sense it's like [inaudible] I mean it's like get a different score, but I mean it's like getting in the court and playing soccer it's just you're doing different thing. 

 Ian Westerman: I think some might be one exception to that and that would be in clearly there are times where it's a social environment and you're playing just to catch up with friend or get some exercise or whatever, but that's different on what we're talking about which will be a competitive environment. 

David Groemping: Yes I can totally agree with that, but if you get out on the court to play a match with a friend. There's really no environment to be nice if you're not supposed to be and it's great you're really friendly you're really nice to play with friends you are playing, but when you actually getting to the match stop and then you can sorry again. It's really fun it would be really nice with them again. 

Ian Westernman: Yes. 

David Groemping: And that keep people of handle lossing. I'm they had lost before. 

Ian Westerman: So what if you're playing against your friend and you're friend had gets injured? 

David Groemping: [inaudible] should probably stop playing. I don't know [laughter]. If he's just right work out for their best interest that they really want to keep going and then kick their butt and maybe I mean, yes. 

Ian Westerman: I think some of listener's might say to you David, 'Man you're something kind of too cutthroat to me and maybe this is sound kind of mean. 

Ian Westerman: And you need to not take this so seriously it was just a game. That's sort of thing. What would your response be those kind of statement? 

David Groemping: Well, I mean this is true. I'm talking more about it in a you're playing some more in a competitive match type of environment, but I mean you really do have to, I am taking for the such approach on it, but you really want to engage if it's friendly and its social. If you're playing someone you have serious and you want to act towards to it. This thing is a lot of time having competition, but both really competing with someone a lot of fun too. And all you going to have is social and relax. If time up to you engage the situation and I don't know if, I don't know was the question address more towards to the play if I'm in the tournament or if you're playing more of this inside and out and as far as I want to make sure. 

Ian Westerman: Sure. 

David Groemping: But you know it's really up to you. It's so difficult to answer how pathetical situation like this, right? It's up to you to guage how friendly associate it going to be, but if you're playing a tennis match then play a tennis match, because I found honestly that if playing someone and I'd be honest and then I'm much fun for either of us. I'll read from me and I really respect when someone beats me really bad. Then they little upset about it, because we just talk about [inaudible]. 

Ian Westerman: Sure. Well, anything else on that to add before we move on to our next question? [music] [music] 

David Groemping: I think that's about it with that. [music] [music] [music] [music]

 Ian Westerman: That does it for today's episode of the Essential Tennis Podcast episode #96 and to listen to the rest of our conversation make sure to tune in next time for podcast #97 and this is only half of the conversation myself have we talked it about several other really interesting topics. Several which we've never talks about before on the show. 

So definitely make sure to check it out. And the best way to continue to get the Essential Tennis Podcast is definitely on iTunes, iTunes is a MP3 player software from Apple you guys can download for free and in their music store you can subscribe to the podcast again for free and receive the show each week as it comes out right as I release it and kind of organize and keep some together for yo. So I highly recommend that you use iTunes to manage to the show and download it automatically each week. So check that out if you're not already using it. 

Alright, that does it for this week. Take care everybody and good luck with your tennis. [music] [music]